Friday, February 29, 2008

One more place for Hillary Clinton to avoid like the plague.

The Icelandic Phallological Museum.

I'll save the University of Plymouth a lot of time and money . . .

... by telling them ahead of time that the answer is yes, they can.

It's been done before.

They were called Furbies.

Is anyone still claiming the US is the most free country in the world?

More than 1 in 100 US adults now in prison.

Using state-by-state data, the report says 2,319,258 Americans were in jail or prison at the start of 2008 - one in 99.1 adults. Whether per capita or in raw numbers, it's more than any other nation.

Those potheads really add up.

Apparently John McCain-Feingold didn't get the memo.

Here's what Johnny Mac has to say about whether or not he is eligible to serve as President:

Republican presidential hopeful John McCain said Thursday the question of whether he can run for president, despite being born in the Panama Canal Zone, was put to rest 44 years ago in Barry Goldwater's run for the White House.

Note to McCain -- Barry Goldwater didn't win, so his eligibility to hold the office was never challenged in the courts.

As will be the case with McCain.

The PC Nazis can arrest me if they want . . .

... but I'm still calling them the ASU Indians.

Maybe the Arkansas State PC Nazis should have been their new nickname.

But "Wolves"? How bland can you get?

The committee unanimously decided to recommend the Wolves and leave up to Chancellor Robert Potts to determine whether the name should be the Red Wolves, Black Wolves or just plain Wolves.

With truth in advertising in mind, if you're going with a retarded mascot like the [insert adjective here] Wolves, shouldn't the adjective be "Retarded"?

Meanwhile, bin Laden and the Anthrax Killer are still on the loose.

FBI to Review Whether Clemens Lied to Congress About Steroids.

Coincidentally, there's this:

Police: Deadly toxin found at Las Vegas hotel.

Good to know our government has it's priorities in order.

[H/T 2 memeorandum.]

Um, no.

Here's a headline for you:

Prince's cover in Afghanistan blown by Drudge Report

But there's a problem.

It is thought the source for the Drudge Report article was a story printed last month in an Australian women's magazine, New Idea.

Doesn't that mean Harry's cover was blown not by Drudge, by the source that leaked the story to New Idea?

Song of the Day: Hey ma. Ma. Ma. Ma.

Thursday, February 28, 2008

Best. Pretzels. Ever.

Pennysticks (made by Benzel's).

They do this weird thing with their stick pretzels where they must roll out a long piece of dough, bake it, and then cut it on an angle into regular pretzel sticks. Regular pretzel sticks seem to be cut first and then baked, making the ends hard.

Pennysticks are crunchy but not hard. And they taste really good.

And you can get a bag of them that is about twice the size of normal pretzel bags for a buck.

At least you can where I live.

I want one.

The only drawback is that it seems to be corded, so you can't take it out in public and make the Nonsmoker Supremacists look at it.

Buy one (for me, perhaps!) here.

It's bad enough Twisted Sister is pimping birth control . . .

... and now this:

On March 4th, 2008, Rockaby Baby! will release the latest installment of their ongoing and uber popular series, this time re-envisioning the hard edged mutant Blues of AC/DC as soothing, parent approved instrumental lullabies.

It is a difficult thing to watch the symbols of rebellion from my youth get all pussified.

What's next, an Alanis Morissette cover of the Black Eyed Peas' "My Humps"?

"Stop calling me a crypto-nazi or I'll knock you in the G--D--- face."

Conservative icon William F. Buckley, R.I.P.

Maybe that's what Nanny Huckabee's been holding out for.

John McCain-Feingold may not be eligible to be President.

Mr. McCain’s likely nomination as the Republican candidate for president and the happenstance of his birth in the Panama Canal Zone in 1936 are reviving a musty debate that has surfaced periodically since the founders first set quill to parchment and declared that only a “natural-born citizen” can hold the nation’s highest office.

Given that Obama's going to beat him, it's probably not an issue, but it would be fitting.

[H/T 2 memeorandum.]

Song of the Day: If Quentin Tarantino directed a Bond movie, this would be on the soundtrack.

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Maybe not the flu . . .

... but it seems to be some form of creeping crud.

What, didn't you know Henry IIX was a HUGE Kool Moe Dee fan?

Study links sexism to rap music.

I HOPE any tax money used for this came from North Carolina state government, not the federal one.

The next time you need a B, another B, or a T . . .

... make sure you get it from BB&T.

Because they are Randian Superheroes that do things that are actually, well, Randian.

A snippet from the press release:

BB&T West Virginia Group/State President Phyllis Arnold said a key component of the BB&T Center will be to provide students with a solid grounding in the workings of capitalism and free market forces. Components of the Center’s curriculum include but are not limited to:

An upper level course focusing on the principles set forth in Ayn Rand’s Atlas Shrugged and Adam Smith’s The Wealth of Nations.
A Lecture series known as the BB&T Lectures with speakers advocating public policies that promote economic and political freedom.
“There is overwhelming evidence that capitalism produces a higher economic standard of living,” said Arnold. “John Allison, our chairman and chief executive officer, passionately believes there needs to be a deeper understanding of the moral defense of capitalism and its causal relationship to economic well being.”

And here you thought BB&T stood for "Bed, Bath, and Towel."


You would think that supporters of a candidate that used to look like this would be reluctant to bring old photos into the discussion.


The boys over at Ten Second News should have a popup that appears the first time someone visits the site, with a ticking stopwatch and Kevin saying "I'm Kevin Whited" and R. Alex saying "I'm R. Alex Whitlock" and Lesley Visser saying "I'm Lesley Visser, and you're reading Ten Second News."

Just PLEASE no Andy Rooney at the end.

Song of the Day: And this is what you get for asking questions.

Monday, February 25, 2008

I think I have the half-flu . . .

... because every joint on the right side of my body has been aching for days now.

And it might develop into the full flu.

If it does, I don't know when I'll be posting again.

So, to appease my minions, here's a bonus Song of the Day.

See you around.

The hero of the piece . . .

... awakens to the gray, empty moment between night and dawn. He flexes his right hand and it's not any better; every joint on the right side of his body still aches.

He wonders if it's possible to get the flu on only one side of your body.

How long do I lie here? How long have I been awake without realizing it?

But the questions escape into the void as if they'd never been asked.

This is the moment he hates most in the day, when his neurons seem trapped in amber and he can't string together a coherent sentence no matter how hard he tries.

Gonna be a bad day.

He summons up the will to sit up on the side of the bed, grabs his T-shirt and slob shorts that he'd discarded the night before, and slips them on...

...and rests his elbows on his knees, looks straight ahead and blanks out for a few minutes, maybe ten, he doesn't know. Not the kind of blankout where you can't find the word you're looking for, but the kind of blankout where the lights are on but nobody's home.

The scary, empty blankout where there doesn't seem to be a thought to be found anywhere inside his cranium.

He sees the room around him, but none of it makes any sense to him.

He wonders out loud "What was I doing?"

No answer comes.

Finally, his eyes come to rest on the little light green box on the bedside table. Aha, something familiar! He focuses on it and realizes it is a box of Pall Mall Menthol Light 100s, with a green art-deco lighter sitting next to it.

He usually doesn't smoke lights, but Pall Mall doesn't make full-flavored menthols and he likes the long, sensual burn of a Pall Mall.

He grabs the pack, flips open the top, and gives it a shake. A single cigarette dislodges itself from the crowd and jumps up to greet him like an old friend.

He pulls it out of the pack with his lips and pushes down the striker button on the lighter. A small blue flame, yellow on top, appears.

He lifts the lighter to the end of the cigarette. It takes a few shallow puffs to light.

Come on, come on, he thinks. Don't fuck with me this morning.

Finally, he feels the minty smoke fill his mouth and sees the orange glow take shape.

He blows out the first puff so he can take a long, deep, slow drag. The orange glow grows bright enough to reflect off his chest, then dims back to its default setting. He then inhales another breath through his nose so the smoke can tickle his sinuses.

Yeah, there it comes -- that spark, that rush of excited brain cells bumping into his each other and radiating outward through his entire body. And bit by bit, his thoughts return and the world begins making sense again.

Will it kill him someday? Maybe. Maybe even probably.

But he sets that idea aside because he has some inside info.

It's the inside info that the Health Nazis never mention, because they can't argue against it.

And this great, universal secret is this: Everyone is going to die of something.

So why not cigarettes?

He takes another drag.

And for that one moment in time, probably the only moment like it he'll experience until this time tomorrow, he feels good. This is the moment he loves most.

It's gonna be one kickass day.

Be It Decreed . . .

. . . that the month of March shall henceforth be Smoker Awareness Month.

During March, we shall celebrate the Smoker-Americans among us, and shall be reminded of the rich history and diversity of the Smoker-American community.

John Hutchison, Benevolent Dictator for Life


R Bryan Tyra, co-Dictator.

Joe Camel died so you and I can be free.

Remember that day in 2001 when 19 men were fat and it killed almost 3000 innocent people?

Obesity "more dangerous than terrorism."

I hate the Health Nazis.

If you want to beat me to a bloody pulp . . .

. . . and I agree to let you, why should what Steve Harrelson thinks even enter the equation?

Song of the Day: Montgomery/Gentry '08 on the Libertarian ticket, anyone?

Friday, February 22, 2008

Outta pocket.

Ice storm and a family situation may keep me from blogging for a few days.

See you when I can.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008


Representative Henry Waxman reminds me of Nosferatu.

"Representative Nosferatu" it is, then!

Hide the kittens.

Fossil of bowling-ball-sized toad found.

No word on whether or not it was a Hypnotoad.

Song of the Day: Banxsie and the Sioushees.

Any geopolitical ramifications for the United States are secondary.

The primary question is: Will Castro's resignation lead to me being able to buy a Cuban cigar at the local Wal-Mart?


The Clinton campaign seems to be under the impression that Obama's campaign speeches are a research paper.

Muppet S&M.

What kind of sick, twisted mind does it take to think up something as disturbing as the Muppophone?


If I was that Twilight Zone kid, I'd wish away all the incompetent people who cannot grasp the concept of "Left Turn Yield On Green" into a cornfield. They would be joined shortly thereafter by the people who pick an aisle in the store to block and just stand there, ignoring me as I cast dirty looks at them because I obviously want to go down that aisle, such as those dimwits who posted one person at each end of the Valentine's clearance aisle at Wal-Mart over the weekend and made me wait for what must have been 15 minutes to get the bag of Cherry Cordial Hershey's Kisses I wanted.

And, for no particular reason, Melissa Gilbert.

You hear those footsteps coming up behind you, REASON?

It's Popular Science about to overtake you as the standardbearer of libertarian magazines.

Case In Point.

Here's a sample:

Wearing a baseball cap and sunglasses, I walked into an AT&T store and immediately noticed several black half-globes suspended from the ceiling: surveillance cameras. I needed to keep my head down. When I tried to pay for my new phone, the cashier swiped its bar code, looked up at me with her fingers poised above her keyboard, and asked me for identification. “I don’t have any on me,” I lied.

She seemed mildly annoyed and asked for my name and address.

“I’m sorry,” I said, “but I don’t really want my information in the system.”

“We need your information.”


“For billing purposes.”

“But it’s a prepaid card. You don’t need to bill me.”

This, apparently, was irrelevant. “We need to put your information into the system,” she said again. “Otherwise you can’t buy the phone.”

There's an equally excellent article in the same print issue on drug-testing sewage and the probable-cause problems that would generate, but it doesn't seem to have made it's way onto the online edition yet.

On a somewhat related note, here's one of those Kipesque questions one PopSci article raises: Is a lack of empathy for others a disease?

And what if you think the cure (compassion in a pill) is worse than the disease? And if I choose the disease over the cure, does the government have the power to overrule me?

(Husky, whispered voice from the shadows:) Take your Soma, citizen. Leave the philosophical questions to the experts, who always have your best interests in mind.

Friday, February 15, 2008

This may be a stupid question.

But has anyone determined when the McNamee Miller Light can was made?

Because if that particular design wasn't produced until AFTER McNamee says the incident happened...

BTW: While Congress was meddling in this, Osama bin Laden continued and STILL continues to convert oxygen to carbon dioxide.

The other R: A Mitt Bounce for Mormons?

R. Alex Whitlock finds a piece suggesting perceptions of Mormons improved due to Mitt Romney.

Either that, or a whole lot of non-Mormony people recently decided that anybody that'd massacre a bunch of Ozarkers can't be all bad.


Looks like Illinois' Siphon Money To Missouri Act is a smashing success!

We here in Missouri certainly thank you, Illinois' professional meddlers!

The Color Police are at it again.

Remember the Dallas 'burb that wanted to ban purple houses?

Not to be outdone, a Swedish preschool has banned "colorful, patterned clothing."

Children who come to school in northern Sweden with “inappropriate” clothes must change into monochrome outfits, parents told

I hate the Color Police.

There's gotta be something in the water in Boston Harbor.

Because Massachusetts sure produces more than it's share of pathological flip-floppers.

Romney, barely a week after insisting McCain was bad for the country, suffers a flip-flop attack here.

Remember the episode of Family Guy where Peter was stalked by the guy who kept calling him a phony? Can we hire that guy to do the same to Romney?

And no doubt the whiny little New York Jets bitched about it.

Thousands of Guantanamo interrogations were taped: report

[H/T 2 M-Drud.]

In space ...

... no one can hear you keep and bear arms.

[H/T 2 M-Drud.]

Song of the Day: You know the boy don't always get the girl, here in the real world. Sometimes he gets the boy.

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

He should sue the department for every asset it has.

Did she?

Seen on Drudge this morning:

Oh, was THAT the look she was going for? Because the first thing I thought when I saw it was "Hillary's been rooting around in the impeachment evidence locker again."

Either that or she went to the prop and wardrobe sale when they cleared out the studio of Janet Reno's Dance Party.

Either way, it looks like something either Arsenio Hall or Barbara Bush (First Lady 41) would wear. Maybe Hillary stole it when she stole the White House silverware, furniture and W's.

Start hoarding novelty lighters now, folks.

They'll be worth a fortune on the black market soon.

The National Association of State Fire Marshals is backing an effort to ban novelty lighters across the country...

How long 'til the "light-easies" start popping up? Or the gang wars over novelty-lighter turf? Will the gangs identify themselves by the lighters they sell in the back alleys? Instead of the Bloods and the Crips and the Latin Kings, will we have the Opus The Penguins and the Bent Over Bare-Assed Santas That Fart Flames?


Camping While Being A Former Pervert in line to become the next crime in Missouri.

Legislation is in the works that would prevent people convicted of certain sex crimes from going within 500 feet of any designated camping area or playground within a state park unless they notify the park superintendent of their presence.

In theory, that notification loophole would keep the law from violating anyone's rights.

But I'm betting it won't be long until "notify the park supe" gets interpreted as "get permission from the park supe."

Nor will it be long until someone has the bright idea to designate the entire state as a campground.

McCain: If I have to explain it, you wouldn't understand.

I'd have to dig out my old copies of Introduction to Objectivist Epistemology or maybe Philosophy, Who Needs It to verify this, but I'm pretty sure that argument would make Ayn Rand vomit.

It smacks of the "Everybody knows..." argument and the "It's a proven fact ..." argument. What shall we call it, the "If you question it, you don't understand" argument?

[H/T 2 M-Yg.]

I've been holding onto this one for awhile now,

but it looks like Ron Paul's sticking it out until the convention.

But on the off-chance that he does drop out of the race, keep this in mind.

Democracy is three wolves and a lamb three Democrats and a Nazi voting on what to have for dinner running for President.

Why, if Hillary doesn't muck things up, Obama is already our next President.

So I'm watching the primary results on CNN last night, when this interesting little contrast happened:

OBAMA:...That is what hope is, Madison, that moment when we -- when we shed our fears and our doubts, when we don't settle for what the cynics tell us we have to accept, because cynicism is a sorry kind of wisdom.

When we instead join arm in arm and decide we are going to remake this country, block by block, precinct by precinct, county by county, state by state, that's what hope is.

There's a moment in the life of every generation when that spirit has to come through, if we are to make our mark on history. And this is our moment. This is our time.


And where better -- where better to affirm our ideals than here in Wisconsin, where a century ago the progressive movement was born?


ANDERSON COOPER, CNN ANCHOR: If you want to continue listening to Senator Obama's speech, you can log on to

Senator John McCain is speaking live in Alexandria, Virginia.

Let's listen in to him.


SEN. JOHN MCCAIN (R-AZ), PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE: But we know where either of their candidates will lead this country, and we dare not let them.


They are going to promise a new approach to governing, but offer only the policies of a political orthodoxy that insists the solution to government's failures is to simply make it bigger.

They will appeal to our dreams of a better future for ourselves and our families and our country, but they would take from us more of the wealth we have earned to build those dreams and assure us that government is better able than we are to make dedications and decisions about our future for us.

They will promise to break with the failed politics of the past, but will campaign in ways that seek to minimize their exposure to questions from the press and challenges from voters who ask more from their candidates than an empty promise of, "Trust me, I know better."


They will paint a picture -- they will paint a picture of the world in which America's mistakes are a greater threat to our security than the malevolent intentions of an enemy that despises us and our ideals, a world that can be made safer and more peaceful by placating our implacable foes and breaking faith with allies and the millions of people in this world for whom America, and the global progress of our ideals has long been the last, best hope of Earth.


You give people a choice between hope and fear (or rather, vague, undefined hope and specific, paranoid fear) and they'll choose hope every time.

And notice how Obama talks about "us" and John McCain-Feingold talks about "them."

Go read the transcript of both speeches. If Barack Obama is the Democrat nominee, John McCain-Feingold is headed for an embarrassingly Mondale-esque ass-whupping.

Song of the Day: That song from that movie.

You know, the movie they had last year on Off Beat Cinema. The one where someone (I forgot who, Charles Bronson, maybe) chased Sandy Duncan down an alley and died at the end. What was it called? Breathless? I don't remember.

Monday, February 11, 2008

The afterlife's gonna need a bigger boat.

Roy Scheider, R.I.P.

[H/T 2 memeorandum.]

Rep. Vlad dies.

Republicans inch toward retaking the House.

Assuming the Governator is not the idiot that his support for John McCain-Feingold suggests.

How can it be theft . . .

. . . if the owner GIVES it to you?

An employee of a Valparaiso Wal-Mart has been charged with theft for repeatedly making purchases to get change from a self-service cash register that was dispensing $20 bills instead of $1 bills.

Has anyone started a Cody Hauer Defense Fund yet?

Cody Hauer has been cited four times in one week for displaying a 13-inch-by-40-inch "Ron Paul Revolution" decal in the rear window of his car.

Now awaiting a Pat Robertson news conference announcing God must really like sex offenders.

Level 3 sex offender wins $10 million lottery.

[H/T 2 Drudge.]

PLEASE let that be a typo!

"Arkansans' ban together to try and ease the burden," said Arkansas Governor Mike Beebe.

Song of The Day: And tiny purple fishes run laughing through your fingers.

Friday, February 8, 2008

Creepiest. Little girl. Ever.

Song of the Day: There's a dial on the side and you make your selection.

Math is not Ed Rollins' strong suit.

From Anderson Cooper 360 last night:

[John King:]Ed, let me start with the simple math. I went through the math on the board. Governor Romney, even if he won every remaining contest, and Senator McCain got just 30 percent of the vote, the math shows that Romney couldn't get the delegates to pass McCain. Governor Huckabee is even further back. Why stay in the race?

ED ROLLINS, REPUBLICAN STRATEGIST: Well, I think -- I think -- first of all, we're down to a two-person race, as opposed to a three- person race.

John McCain-Feingold. Nanny Huckabee. Ron Paul.

By my count, that's three.

Ed must have grown up in the public schools with Outcomes-Based Education.

At least they didn't steal the furniture and the "W" keys.

Clinton staffers skip out on their rent.

Daytona Beach Police: Making a U-turn equals probable cause for serial murder.

So does prostitution.

[H/T to Drudge.]


Maybe I don't want to win a seat on the City Council after all!

Define "sometimes."

From an article on people being arrested for smoking in Fayetteville:

There is also a smoking ban in private vehicles that sometimes carry children.

It's bad enough that the children don't have to be actually present at the time you are smoking in your car for you to be arrested, but what if once, six years ago, you took your brother's kid to school? Does it mean you can never smoke in your car again?

What if the previous owner of your car used it to ferry little curtain climbers around town? Can you never smoke in it, even though you don't plan on letting children anywhere near it?

Were they born that way? Was it something they chose?


It was caused by farming.

A form of intersex fish, which have both male and female traits, were found more often by researchers in areas with more farming and population density, according to a new study by the U.S. Geological Survey.

I suggest a Constitutional amendment to ban John Deeres.

Is it wrong to tell someone . . .

. . . that you find them pathologically uninteresting?


Monday and Tuesday, I got at least SIX robocalls from the John McCain-Feingold campaign. Two were disguised as polls.

I texted the numbers they were called from with the message "The more you telestalk me, the more determined I am to vote for Ron Paul!"

One also had a "Remember McCain-Feingold!" tacked onto the end.

The campaign reminds me of a clingy ex-girlfriend who doesn't quite grasp that she is no longer of any interest to me.

But then, they were never of any interest to me. I don't date authoritarian subjectivist collectivists.

Go away, bitch. You annoy me.

WHO wants to meddle in my lungs.

That's not a question, by the way.

The World Health Organization offers up a plan that will surely make both of Arkansas former governors now in the national spotlight (especially Nanny Huckabee) stain any nearby blue dresses.

The WHO Report on the Global Tobacco Epidemic 2008 urges governments to adopt six “tobacco control policies” — raise taxes and prices of tobacco; ban tobacco advertising, promotion and sponsorship; protect people from secondhand smoke; warn people about the dangers of tobacco; help those who want to quit smoking; and monitor tobacco use to understand and reverse the epidemic.

1. When did words stop having meanings? Tobacco is not an "epidemic." If I stand next to tobacco, I am not going to "catch" tobacco. Further if you stand next to someone who is smoking, you are not going to "catch" smoking unless you choose to.

2. Note that individual choice does not enter into their equation.

3. I hate one-worlders.

Hands off my lungs, Health Nazis!

In a related note, smoking bans cause unemployment.


I note that the Drunks for Obama endorsement didn't put him on top in their home state.

Relatives of Drunks for Obama had similar results.

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Question to self: Disillusioned much?

What was the point of that whole Ron Paul Revolution thing again?


Much of Gassville and what a local newsradio reporter described as "90% of the business district" in Highland/Ash Flat Arkansas were destroyed by tornadoes last night.

As we drove around Highland, the signs of destruction were everywhere. A fire truck returning to it's no longer standing station; A former car lot smashed and the Timberline restaurant stripped of walls and it's sign toppled by the winds.

Air-Evac Lifeteam set up a Disaster Response Team at the Ash Flat Church of Christ and last night the Fulton County Hospital sent out a call over the radio for all medical personnel to report to the hospital to deal with the injured.

We here in the Ozarks often wonder why people live in earthquake and fire zones. And yet here we sit right in the middle of tornado alley and think nothing unusual of it.

You'll take my crab rangoons when you pry them from my cold, dead hands.

MS lawmaker proposes ban on selling food to the obese in restaurants.

To new beginnings.