Wednesday, November 26, 2008

There are two of these guarding the gates to Hell.

Or at least there USED to be two of them. This one ate the other one. For Thanksgiving.

Looks like I bought it too early.

The movie 300 will be on sale for six bucks at Walmart the morning after the Festival of Gluttony.

I paid $13 for it a couple weeks ago.

Still, I may venture out on Capitalism Day morning and check what other movies are selling for six bucks.

Or two.

Maybe I can get enough that I won't have to buy any more for the next four or (shudder) eight years.

We shall overcome.

You know how reality shows always come with a twist that shakes up the game?

In Survivor, it was the merge. In The Biggest Loser, it's the team swap. Whatever show you're watching, the creators throw in a curveball in the middle of things to make it interesting.

Shortly after the election of Barry O, I came upon the idea that the only way it made any damn sense at all was if my life was a Joe Schmo-type reality show and this was the twist.

Periodically, the rules of the game are reversed. Think you can win by earning your money? Hell, let's just switch the game around so that now need, not ability, is rewarded. And once you as a player figure that out, we'll switch it back again.

I even texted Mr. Whited that I may be the star of The John Show. He suggested I change the name of this blog to that.

Now it seems I'm not the only one afflicted. There's even a name for it -- Truman Syndrome.

I wonder, do we each get our own reality show, or is American society as a whole the star of one reality show?

Or am I the only star, and they are just characters PRETENDING to have Truman Syndrome?

Fight The Power By Burning Newspapers.

I noticed that about half of the bulk of my trash is paper or cardboard.

So I've started burning the paper and cardboard in the backyard where I burn leaves.

As expected, it cut the amount of trash I have in half.

How does this fight the power, you ask?

Using one trash bag every two weeks instead of every week cuts the amount I spend on trash bags, and the taxes I pay on said trash bags, in half.

We shall overcome.

Friday, November 21, 2008

Snippets; snippets good.

Nosferatu takes control of House Energy & Commerce.

Are the same politicians griping about Big Auto's private jets willing to be served only ramen noodles in the Capitol cafeteria? What costs the taxpayers more, a $25K flight or a $400K Freakin' TEAPOT MUSEUM???

I wonder if future Secretary Admynistrative Assystant of State Hillary Clinton had to bake those cupcakes as part of her application process.

I hope they're brown noise guns. And I hope someone comes up with a fully-submersible tanker that will surface undamaged after an hour or so.

Libertarian talk-show host jailed for 100 days. For having a couch in his own yard.

Just a reminder . . .

... the Dow Jones Industrial Average was over 12,100 when the Democrats were elected to take control of Congress in 2006.

Yesterday, it closed at 7,552.59.

But I thought Big Business was EVIL!!!

Mattel replaces autistic boy's massive Hot Wheels collection lost in the California wildfires.

And what has done to help this family? Has Barack Obama cut a check out of his massive campaign surplus to help this child? How about the DNC? Did any of the Huffington Post's contributors mail even a single Hot Wheels toy to this family?

You know, all those people that keep preaching about how big business is evil and the less fortunate ought to be helped. And about how they really, really care about the little guy.

Voodoo Factchecking.

About ten years ago, I went through a phase of every year buying the [That Year] World Almanac and Book of Facts. It was quite a useful thing, whether you wanted to look at how many state legislatures were controlled by Republicans or you wanted to know the name of a group of animals (a herd of cows, a flock of seagulls, a murder of crows, a sleaze of Democrats, etc.)

Jokingly, I repeatedly pointed out to my then-roomie (is there any gayer word in the language than "roomie"?) that if it's not in the World Almanac & Book of Facts, it's not a fact.

Once, he wanted to know the name of a group of some animal (kittens, maybe) and we could not find it in the World Almanac & Book of Facts. So we deduced that that animal does not exist in a collective sense.

Rick Sanchez Miller Redfield has come up with a similar mystical method of determining the truth of things. In this case, he measures the accuracy of a connection between two terms by googling the two terms and counting the hits that return. Presumably, the more hits, the more valid the connection.

Here's the transcript:
MILLER REDFIELD: Something else to take notice of first. I want you to look at this video, all right. It seems almost sad. Look at this. This is the president of the United States walking out on stage to take a picture with world leaders invited to the G20 summit over the weekend. Look at him. And he seems like the most unpopular kid in high school that nobody liked -- you know, the one with the cooties?

Everybody's shaking hands but he walks in and nobody's shaking his hand and he's not shaking anybody's hand.

This is different, though, because look -- I'd like you to watch this again. Watch. Everybody is shaking hands. He's not shaking hands. Remember just six years ago, he was "the bully who everyone seemed to like" -- or did they just pretend to like him?

By the way, just to be clear, bully is not my word. It's one of the words most used to describe the Bush administration's foreign and economic policies around the world.

To check, I Googled Bush and bully together.

Are you ready? Two million five hundred thousand hits. This may be a case of what goes around comes around. But maybe not. Still, you know what, he's the president. And as I watch this video with you guys, I can't help but almost feel sorry for him.

Hmm. 2 and a half million. That's slightly more than the number of hits googling "Al Gore" and "fraud" generates. How many hits are returned by googling "Obama AND socialist"? What's that? 5.56 Million? In this Voodoo Factchecking Method of Miller Redfield's, does that not mean it is more than twice as likely that Barry O is a socialist than it is that Bush is a bully?

How about "God" and "Flying Spaghetti Monster"? Or "CNN" and "biased"? Or "Nancy Pelosi" and "diarrhea"?

For no other reason than it amuses me . . .

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

How to Fight The Power By Wearing Tighty-Whiteys.

I bought an electric tap with a power switch (think "power strip with only one plug-in") to put on the heat lamp in the basement, which keeps the pipes from freezing in the winter. I could just unplug the thing every morning and plug it back in every evening, but that is a pain, and I know myself well enough to know that if it's a pain, I'll just turn the damn thing on and leave it on all winter. And I could crawl back into the grungy, confined corner of the basement to use the switch that's actually on the heatlamp, but that would be an even bigger pain. With this new system, all I have to do is reach in the door and flip the switch.

If I figure correctly, it should save me about 2 kwh a day, which is about 20 cents. That means it will pay for itself in a little more than 2 weeks. After that, it's gravy.

What I really need for that little area is an extension cord with a thermostat on it, but I don't know if such a thing exists. If it does, it would be too expensive.

I also dug all my tighty-whiteys out of storage. Gives me enough underwear that I only have to wash underwear once a month, in theory. Hey, I made it just fine wearing tighty-whiteys for the 25 years before boxer briefs came along, right? What's a little discomfort when it gives me the chance to starve the beast a little more by doing underwear laundry half as often? I don't know yet how it's going to work in the summer when I almost always wear sandals and hence no socks to wash along with my drawers.

On the theory that it's better to make major purchases before the end of the year so they'll count toward George Bush's economy instead of Barry O's, I finally broke down and bought a cheap DVD player. My idea was that I could check out DVD's from the library for free, but the one that looked most promising turned out to be horrible when I got home. So I bought four DVD's (again, George's economy, not Barry O's), three of which were $6 apiece at the Dollar General. Those three were V for Vendetta, Talladega Nights, and Easy Rider. The other was 300, which was 13 bucks at Wal-Mart. I may have to watch those four movies over and over again for the next four years. Maybe I'll find Braveheart or The Last Castle or something else Ideologically Correct at a yard sale somewhere.

(BTW, that "Buy it now, before Obama can benefit from the taxes" idea also works for small nonperishable items. I'm stocking up on toilet paper, shampoo, and cans of soup, for instance.)

Saturday, November 15, 2008


Somebody found this little blog by googling "Buckwheat and Hairplug."

Now THAT's funny!

Will she have to get him coffee?

Looks like Barry O is thinking of hiring Hillary Rodham-Clinton as his Secretary Administrative Assistant of State. Summoned her all the way to Obamagrad to have a discussion about it.

Makes no sense whatsoever. Nothing screams "diplomatic genius" like calling your own Vice-President Darth Vader. And what if her duties require her to bake cookies and have teas?

Why do the people of Rodhamgrad keep supporting her when she keeps trying to ditch them for something higher up the ladder?

She would be a better fit as Attorney General, and I really thought Barry O would pick one of the Clintons for that post (not Roger, though, he's in consideration for Drug Czar.) But there's still time, and Bill's still available. His library, built on land stolen via eminent domain, in Clintongrad is complete and Lecture-Circuit Partyboy Algore's got a corner on the public speaking market already.

Unless (shudder) he's holding the spot open for the return of That Scary Man.

AFTERTHOUGHT: It IS awfully convenient how, if Hillary is in his cabinet, she can't exactly challenge him in 2012, isn't it? Don't accept it, Hillary. 2012 might be your last chance. Ya ain't gettin' any younger, girl.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Is CNN's Rick Sanchez the lovechild of Treat Williams and Miller Redfield?

Rick and his guests seem awfully fond of drawing some vague connection between Barry O and the fact that the White House was built by slaves.

SANCHEZ:Coming at you right now: in a White House built by slaves, a historic meeting between old and new. The president-elect and his wife, Michelle, meet the current president and the first lady.
There you have it. It's the shot of the White House where this historic meeting is taking place. This is a building that was built by slaves, and now you have a black man who is about to be the president of the United States meeting there with the current president. How much more historic can you get?
AMY GOODMAN, HOST, "DEMOCRACY NOW!": Well, first, I watched the first African-American elected president of the United States, together with his wife, walk into the White House -- a house built by slaves. And the idea that he, with his two little girls -- will raise those little girls with his wife in this house is truly historic and voted by people across the political spectrum. This was truly a global election.
BRANDON LAWRENCE: Nothing but happiness and, just honestly, a call to action. And honestly, when I say that, it is to be someone the same pigment as President-Elect Obama, looking at his hard work in an election that, when I, for the first time, was able to vote for the election and for someone like Barack Obama to be in this position and walking through these -- the house that slaves who look like me have built, it's something that is very, very encouraging.
SANCHEZ:Again -- and I think Amy nailed this a little while ago when she was explaining to us the historic reference -- the importance of this day, this moment -- a house that you were looking at right there, that was built by slaves. But Barack Obama and Michelle Obama inside today, getting ready to take over in that place 10 weeks from today.

Except that Barry O's ancestors weren't slaves. They didn't even leave Kenya until the 20th century. So he has absolutely nothing to do with slavery. Unless, of course, his ancestors were some of the victors in tribal warfare that sold their prisoners to the white man (maybe some of Barry's other ancestors, now that I think of it) as slaves.

Tangential question: Did any of Barack Obama's ancestors own any of Michelle's?

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Remember, remember . . .

Happy Guy Fawkes Day, all!

(Only a month and a day until Boston Tea Party Day!)

If Obama is really so fond of "leveling the playing field..."

... then shouldn't he redistribute all the votes above and beyond those he needed to beat McCain to the third parties?

For that matter, shouldn't he have redistributed his campaign money to those that didn't have as much?

I'm all for giving people a chance, but with Obama, that chance will come AFTER he explains to me how one can love a country while simultaneously hating everything that makes that country unique (and in the case of the U.S., the most prosperous and powerful) among nations (capitalism, equal protection, individual liberty, etc.).

Obama wins.

What is wrong with people?

By the way, you are now resolved of any white guilt you may have been feeling. The race card has expired.

Saturday, November 1, 2008

Speaking of polls . . .

... I suppose I really shouldn't give up already, no matter what the polls look like.

These are the same polls, you'll remember, that as late as election day 2004 were ready to swear in President John F. Kerry.

Third Party Animal Poll Results.

Question: Where was John and why wasn't he blogging?

Insane - 4%.
Joined the Super Friends - 4%.
Unabomber Shack - 4%.
Prison - 9%.
Ron Paul - 85%.

Proves my theory that Ron Paul wins all Internet polls he is included in, even if it makes absolutely no sense.

Question: Which of the Superfriends would sniff his/her pinky finger after using it to scratch the inside of his/her itchy ear canal?

Superman. 0 (0%)
Batman. 0 (0%)
Aquaman. 0 (0%)
Wonder Woman. 1 (5%)
Black Vulcan. 1 (5%)
Apache Chief. 3 (15%)
Samurai. 0 (0%)
Zan. 0 (0%)
Jayna. 14 (70%)
Green Lantern. 0 (0%)
Hawkman. 0 (0%)
Robin. 1 (5%)

The obvious answer would be Aquaman, because he is constantly getting water in his ear and is more likely to have a fungal infection in there, so it is more likely to itch than the ears of the other Super Friends are. Aquaman got zero percent. Jayna got 70%.

Question: If Obama wins, does that demonstrate that race-based affirmative action is unnecessary?

Yes. 100%.
No. 0%.

Looks like those of you who are pro-Obama and pro-AFFAC better be careful what you wish for, because you may have to choose between the two.

It just squeaked in to beat the deadline for an October Surprise.

Obama's aunt living in U.S. illegally.

Serves the little bastard right.

Kid tries to steal McCain sign; gets shocking lesson.

Hit me, it finally did.

So yesterday I'm watching yet another hour of CNN's fawning coverage of yet another Obama rally with yet another shot of a member of the proletariat holding up yet another sign that says "CHANGE WE NEED."

On first inspection, it strikes me as an incomplete concept. Maybe we DO need change, but does it necessarily follow that that change must be a step toward socialism? No.

Then it finally hit me. It's not intended to be a complete thought. It's a subliminal message to the Star Wars geeks. It's Yoda-speak.

It's not "Change we NEED." It's "CHANGE we need," which is how Yoda would say "We need change."

And change is all the money you'll have to live on if Obama gets his way, my little green friend.

Anybody know . . .

... where I can get a (preferably cheap) flash drive that will run off of Windows 98? It doesn't have to have a lot of storage, just enough for the occasional Gummint Cheese comic strip and rantposts too lengthy to type as I sit here in the library.

They've upgraded to new computers here, and the new ones don't have 3.5" floppy drives, which is what I used to bring anything I wanted to post here that would take too long to do as I sit here.

And all the flash drives I can find require a minimum of Windows 2000.

Speaking of CNN . . .

... anyone know why they let Glenn Beck get away from them and why they replaced him with some ferret-hugging granola muncher?

John The CNN Contributor.

Got another crawl on The Rick Sanchez Show yesterday:

"Someone keeps stealing Frampton's Obama signs; does Ted Nugent have an alibi?"

(You can see it scroll across beginning at 1:19 and again at 6:12 here. )

Only marginally clever, I know, but they won't run any texts I send that have any substance to them.

Thursday & Friday both they've gone with the "Name one person Obama hangs around with that's anti-Semitic" story, like it's some big mystery and the answer is "nobody that we know of."

Both days I sent an answer -- Jesse "Hymietown" Jackson. They rejected it both times.

I don't know how much he hangs around with Al Sharpton* or I'd send that answer in, too.

* UPDATE: Quite a bit, apparently.

This April, Obama made an appearance at Al Sharpton’s National Action Network, the same organization that shouted racial and anti-Semitic epithets at the Jewish owner of Freddy’s Fashion Mart in Harlem in 1995. The National Action Network quotes Mr. Obama as saying, “Reverend Sharpton is a voice for the voiceless, and a voice for the dispossessed. What National Action Network has done is so important to change America, and it must be changed from the bottom up.”