Apparently, schools in The Jop need to concentrate on language and grammar skills.

At least, I assume Mike Pound went to school in The Jop. I could be wrong.

[George Will] likes to make obscure (at least to me) historical and mythical analogies. At least I think they’re analogies, they could be metaphors. Or similes. I can never remember which is which.

If it says my love is a red, red rose, it's a metaphor. If it says my love is LIKE (or as) a red, red rose, it's a simile.

And if you're confusing either one with an analogy, seek psychiatric help immediately.